Yesterday was one of those Sundays. The kind that you’re filled with nothing but gratitude at the end of the day for being close to God. It’s not that it was an easy Sunday. In some ways it was…Shaun and the older boys are at Boy Scout camp this week. That meant I only had 2 little ones to care for and get ready for church. There was less animosity because there wasn’t as many people to fight and argue with. I played church music while we were getting ready. We were on time. It was good.
When I got in the van, Carson had it already cranked up and had the BYU Radio on. One of the highlights of the talk that was on was the parable of the 2 axmen. A smaller man and a larger man were in a competition to see how many trees they could cut down in a day. The smaller gentleman kept taking 10 minutes breaks every hour. The larger man questioned his opponent’s methodology and kept on chopping as fast as he could. He knew he was WAY ahead of the game and chopping down many more trees that his opponent. At the end of the day, the trees were counted and the smaller man came up victorious. The larger man, quite angry, asked him how could that be? He had worked all day and not taken any breaks, while the smaller man had taken so many breaks, it was crazy! The smaller man replied to his anger, “I was sharpening my ax during the breaks.” The moral was we HAVE to take time to renew ourselves and “sharpen” our axes by reading the scriptures, praying, strengthening ourselves through God’s word. If we give 10% of our time to the Lord as well as our money, He will strengthen us and make up for those things that we lack. All will be taken care of.
There was another story of a mission president’s interviews with the elders versus the sisters. The question was asked, “What could you have done better on your mission?” The elders acted like they needed a couple of days to think about it…because apparently they had done such a great job. The sisters, however, almost seemed as if they had a full page of things they could have done better all ready to regurgitate. The moral was…sometimes we are too hard on ourselves as women. We need to let go and let God. We need to realize that we can only do so much. If we rely on the Lord to guide our lives, we will be able to accomplish so much more than we ever dreamed possible.
When we arrived at church, we sat down near our regular seats. I sat on the far left of the pew next to the wall. Carson and Ellie for some reason sat on the far right end of the pew. Church started and then Jenny slid in and came and sat down beside me. I asked if it was just her that day…and she said it was. For some reason, the thought that kept coming in my mind all during the passing of the sacrament was to have a conversation with Jenny about bringing Hunter to church every Sunday with her and staying for the whole time…Primary included. I brushed it aside, because it’s really none of my business. The thought kept coming back. My heart started racing because I don’t like hard conversations…and I felt like that would be one. And again…it was really none of my business… The speakers gave wonderful talks. Aubree gave a wonderful talk about loving one another. Zack gave a talk about the small and simple things (which kept on pressing more in my mind to have the conversation because the little steps are really what defines a person as a whole…coming to church every week might not seem like a big deal, but little by little, that commitment strengthens us). And Alyssa gave a great talk about the Atonement.
After the closing hymn, I asked Jenny if she wanted to go and get the items she had left at my house the previous day, and we walked outside to my car. Then my heart started racing. I knew I had to have the conversation…I pushed it aside and then the spirit spoke to me so clearly…NOW… So I did. I hope that the conversation was taken as it was intended. I love her, Brandon, and Hunter. I want them to be able to enjoy the blessings of the gospel fully as a family. Our family isn’t perfect…we have our things that we all need to work on. I hope that we can work together to uplift one another and help each other. That’s what this life is about.
Last night we went to bed a little early (9:30). I woke up around 10:15 in a panic. I was filled with such anxiety about all the tasks that are needing to get done. So I did a brain dump…filled 2 pages full of things that have been on my mind. One of my commitments that I needed to make was to get up earlier to have scripture study. So I set my alarm for 6:30…and I DID get up this morning and do my scripture study. Avalon had asked us to read a passage of scripture for next week’s Sunday School lesson, so I read that… D&C 105:1-13. As I was reading, I heard Spencer’s alarm go off (go figure…they aren’t even here to turn it off). I headed upstairs to turn the alarm off. I noticed that his room was a disaster. I went into the other boys’ room and it was a disaster. I looked in the hallway and stared at a million things that needed to be gone through and put away. I opened the hall closet and saw the mess that awaited organization. And I felt so overwhelmed again. Yet, I looked on the second shelf and there was my D&C student manual that I had at BYU. The exact one that would give me more insight on my reading that I had just studied.
So…I have read this morning. I have pondered. I have studied. I’ve got this little by little. The thoughts that kept coming to me this morning were to do a little at a time. Echo had mentioned that to me a couple of weeks ago…that she is going through one drawer at a time…one cabinet at a time. And it’s okay to do little by little. My projects usually don’t end up like that. I take everything out at one time, have to take a full day to go through everything, go to bed that night feeling exhausted, just to do it again the next day. But that isn’t bringing me the peace that I need. So time to change things up a bit. I’m going to try doing a little bit at a time and see the progress I can make over the next couple of weeks before school starts.
I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows us. He knows us better than we know ourselves. Gerri gave a great RS lesson yesterday on this exact topic. God’s care packages are so much more fulfilling than a care package we could give ourselves.
ACTIONS FOR THIS WEEK:
- Daily scripture pondering
- Strengthen my relationship with Ellie and Carson
- Re-visit goals daily to keep on track